My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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