Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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