i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize