Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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