i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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