I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
