She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
