I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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