dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
