You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize