So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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