Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
