Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
