You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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