I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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