I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
