I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize