3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
