How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
