So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
