Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The air taste purple.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
