We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
