Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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