How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
