he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
and you fell through a lawn chair
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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