you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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