Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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