Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
