I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just found a bag of teeth...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize