he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
