i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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