im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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