I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
