is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
