He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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