he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
my liver is dry heaving
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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