I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Randomize
