The maid of honor just puked.
I will die if light touches me.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
