just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
