I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
