Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize