I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Someone stole a lamp last night.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
