I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So squirting runs in the family.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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