I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
