I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
