So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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