god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
