One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
