It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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