Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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