you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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