i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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