dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize