This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
