there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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