Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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