If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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