Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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