My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
