Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
