i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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