Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize