they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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