yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
