Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
