I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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