But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
